LeVel Thrive Experience
LeVel Thrive Experience


AffairYou have just been out of an extramarital relationship. Your partner knew about the affair but has forgiven you. The problem now is that he or she wants you to describe your experience with your extramarital relationship. Of course, it would only be natural that you become hesitant. There is a possibility that when you describe the affair your partner may become disgusted and may even get hurt more. So if cornered in this kind of situation, what do you do to stay honest with your partner but at the same time not disgust him or her?

Do Not Show Interest

When a time comes that your partner would like for you describe your affair show some disinterest. Just show to your partner that you really are not interested to talking about it. You may have noticed that when you talk about your own experiences, you can become engrossed with the story telling. In this case however, make sure that you do not show this kind of eagerness when describing the affair to your partner.

Another approach to showing disinterest is to tell your partner that you really are not comfortable talking about the affair since it only reminds you of how wrong you were and the thought that you have hurt him or her because of the affair, can be just very depressing. This pitch would, most often than not, really show disinterest in your part.

When you start describing the affair, you need to blatantly show disinterest by sometimes trying to change the topic. You can also make some long pauses while looking at him or her as if asking for permission not to continue. Another technique that would show interest is to sigh once in a while during your talk.

Say No To Detailed Descriptions

The best stories in the world have become the best stories in the world because of the great detail they contain. But in the case of describing an affair to your partner details should be left out. Going into details is the best way to disgust your partner especially if you are going to describe the intimate parts of the affair. As much as possible be general with what you say.

This is an example of a big no-no, It was the 5th day of February when I met him/ her in a restaurant called The Restaurant. It was 12 noon and the weather was really great. Going into too much detail would mean that you really do remember what happened and that you really cherish those experiences since you remember them so well. You could just actually say, We met sometime in February in a restaurant.

If by being general with your description would make your partner ask questions then let him/ her do so. And it is also a responsibility to answer those questions HONESTLY. Your partner asking the questions could possibly mean that he or she can actually take whatever the answer to the question is. Answer questions but always describe everything generally.

Choose The Right Time and The Right Place

Everything is actually about timing. If your partner wants you to describe the affair, if possible do it in a place where you can have your privacy. Never do it in a public place like a restaurant or the park. If given the chance that you can control the environment then do so.

For example, different lighting effects can provoke all different kinds of emotions. A red light or any colour that has red as a prominent colour can bring out an aggressive emotion. The colours green and yellow can bring out the feeling of relaxation. The same thing applies to the wallpaper.

Sounds can also affect a persons feelings and emotions. Noises can be very irritating while sounds like breezes, the wind, and the sound of the ocean can be very relaxing.

So when you are put in this kind of situation and if you have the chance to control the environment then do it. Your environment can really make a difference when you start talking and describing to your partner about the affair.

For someone who has been through this first hand then do get in touch if you are struggling with this situation or any other in regards to affairs.

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Christina Young (The Healing Heart Coach) is a passionate, loving coach who helps women through the pain of relationship challenges, divorce and life after divorce. Christina is an author of “A Woman’s Guide to Forgiving Infidelity” and “Love is a Rollercoaster” Christina is called on by the media for advice and has been on radio in the UK and USA and interviewed on TV. Having gone through her own personal relationship challenge she understands exactly how painful it can be. Christina knows how life can be when you come from a place of love and forgiveness. Christina is also helping people live a healthy life through the Thrive Experience.